The Delicate Balance of Rewards and Consequences

The following are thoughts distilled from ADDitude magazine re: the delicate balance between praise/rewards and consistent and fair consequences.  It is far too easy to correct/criticize; far harder to give legitimate praise and pats on the back.  Some of us need much more of the latter than the former.  But note my emphasis on 'legitimate'.  

One of things I learned early in my teaching career was to be specific with both my praise and my appeals to stop something.  'You're doing well, Gerrie' does nothing.  The reaction I imagined that such a shout-out would elicit would be, 'Doing well at what?  Breathing? Standing still?' And the same for, 'Stop that!'  'What am I supposed to stop, breathing, standing still?' (Better to say, "Walk" rather than "Don't run." since many of us tune out the 'Don't' and hear only the 'run'.)

Source

So following the concept of positive reinforcement being specific and legitimate, here are some ideas to help reinforce the positive behaviours.

1. Spend time together - unstructured 15 minutes each day, doing what she wants to do.  No devices for either of you.  Just one-on-one.  It could be reading with each other, to each other; telling jokes; going for a walk.  Maybe make a list of all the things your child wants to do and put them in a jar to pull out.  That's your first one-on-one time - making a list.  Throw in something that you'd like to do with your child that maybe she hasn't thought of yet.
2. Praise (legitimately and specifically) often.  At the beginning, you might really have to look, but it can start small.  "I like the way you concentrated on trying to spell that word." "I like the way you walked quietly from the kitchen to your bedroom."  I used to put 10 tokens in my pocket to remind me to praise or recognize a certain student who really needed that positive reinforcement.  When I did, I transferred that token to the other pocket and kept going until all 10 were in the other pocket.  
• For more information on specific praise, see this site called MINDSET: THE NEW PSYCHOLOGY OF SUCCESS
• and click here for a 'cheat sheet' on specific prompts (see the end of this post for what it looks like)
3. Reinforce (especially for little ones) with small tokens - stars on a chart; tokens in a chair.  Help your child decide what he'd like to earn recognition for.  Then together, decide how many stars have to be earned for a bigger reward (a trip to Dairy Queen, a playdate, and so on).  Surprise your child by adding a star when he's not looking.  And never take away a token or a star.  If he legitimately earned it, he gets to keep it. 
• Caveat: beware of the "If I do this, do I get a star?" motivation.  If that happens, time to look for another support system.  
4. Be direct.  Don't ask; tell. Avoid "Would you mind?" or finishing your 'tell' with "Okay?" The directive should be clear, short, and pithy (to the point).  "Pick up your school bag and put it away now please."
5. Use eye contact.  It's harder to ignore someone when you must look them in the face.   “This can be done with humor,” says child psychologist Douglas Riley. “I use the phrase, ‘Give me your eyeballs.'”
6. Be consistent with consequences. If a child misbehaves five (5) times but receives consequences for only three (3), it's not hard for them to figure out the odds of getting away with something.  It reminds me of the old story about Freddie and Irene playing outside. Irene's mother calls her for dinner.  When she ignores several calls, Freddies asks why she isn't going in.  Irene responds that her mother had only called four (4) times.  "When she gets to six, I know she's serious."
• Depending on the nature of the behaviour, get your child's input on what the consequence should be.  Often his or her suggested consequence might be more on point than the one you were thinking of.  

Source

 

As Ontario moves into its next phrase of online learning, check the resource entitled Learning Strategies that Work Now with many ideas for both parents and teachers supporting kids learning remotely.  

Click here for link

The article comes from ADDitude magazine.  Please note that although the article is subtitled Tools and best practices that work for students with ADHD learning at school and/at home, the ideas can be used by all and for all.  

Gerrie

 

Advice for remote learning

Some Tips for Remote Learning

 If you are a teacher or a parent reading this, please feel free to share and acknowledge the source as The Globe and Mail

To all of you, my heart goes out to you as you struggle with the challenges of this way of learning that none of us anticipated.  I'm reading the frustrations from all sectors on Twitter.  

Here's my two-cents worth.  We're all in this together.  Every single teacher I worked with wanted the very best for her/his students.  None of us have done this before.  Cut all of those on the front lines some slack (read what you will into this).  Please, please, if you have concerns from either side of the screen, reach out.  There's a human being on the other side.  From the teacher's perspective, receiving a simple note of thanks or encouragement goes a long way.  Parents want to hear that too.

I hope there is something in this post that will help.  Good luck to all of you.

The Globe and Mail interviewed teachers and parents from across the country.    I will summarize the tips from both parents and teachers.  If you want the full article, let me know and I will share with you.

Advice for remote learning from those with experience by Dave McGinn and Caroline Alphonso

(Adapted from Nancy Wilson-Blackley, Grade 4 teacher, Halton District School Board, Ontario):

• Have a really good spot to sit and learn; headphones are great to block out the sounds if the space is shared with others. (This is not easy)
• Sit at a table or a desk so kids feel like they're in school rather than lounging around.
• If the bedroom is the new school room, remove toys that might prove distracting.
• A dollar-store whiteboard is a great tool, especially for math problems; kids just have to hold up the whiteboard to show their work.
• Don't let the technology make you frustrated.  Kids can send a note in the Chat space to say they're going to reset their computer.  
• Let the teacher know it's not working.  They can share their screen and show the students what they need to do. 

 (Adapted from Naomi Pahl, mom of 4 children - 6, 9, 11, and 12)

• Some children who are easily distracted need their own space.  Keep those fidget toys handy.  A chair that spins give the kid the option of still wiggling. 
• When school is over, close up that 'office space'; don't go back there.  That's the space you go for school and when it's over, you leave it, just as you would 'normal' school (whatever that is these days).

(Adapted from Theresa Powell, mother of 2, ages 9 and 11).

• The morning routine is important.  Go for a walk around the neighbourhood after breakfast.  If before you raced to get to school, now you're racing to get home to get to school.
• Use the recesses to have the kids run around the block or do something active.  Time them to beat the time from the day before.  

(Adapted from Puja Amin, mom of 2, ages 8 and 11)

• Charge all devices the night before.
• Set alarms to designate breaks and sign-in times.
• Set the alarms for 5 minutes BEFORE the sign-in because it always takes longer than you think!

(Adapted from Ryan Watts, mom to four, ages 3, 6, 8, and 11)

• Choose your battles.  Reach out to the teacher if you're really concerned about something.  
• Ask for help in understanding the expectations.
• Be careful about pointing fingers. Keep your concerns about how things are going to yourself. 

(Adapted from Maninder Chauhan, father of two, ages 6 and 9)

• Break time is 100 per cent no-screen time.  
• Make it physical as often as possible, but if not, just something that doesn't involve a screen.
• Stay out of the classroom!  This is hard when everyone is within earshot but you're not supposed to be in school!
• Keep your kids hydrated and fed.

Virtual hugs to you all.

Gerrie

Being on time - with a screen!

 

Happy New Year.  It seems ages since I posted anything - actually because it has been ages!  I was really hoping I wouldn't be writing anything about coping with virtual schooling again, but here we are.  

Below are some ideas from a recent post from ADDitude magazine entitled Be On Time!  The tagline is: Getting back on schedule is doubly hard when "returning to school" means logging on to Zoom.

Here's a summary of some key points:

• Use weekly and monthly calendars to plan.  See my post The Executive Functions of Time Management
• "Calendars offer a multisensory learning opportunity: They are a visual record of activities that work kinesthetically as you write down and cross off activities, and it prompts auditory reinforcement as you talk about the day’s events."
• Use analogue clocks rather than digital clocks.  
• "Digital clocks present time as a static present-tense thing, greatly affecting kids’ ability to conceive of and gauge time. Analog clocks show that time moves — and let a child know where she stands in relation to the rest of the hour or the rest of the day. We need to reintroduce analog clocks so children can “see” time and learn to place events in context."
• Set a timer to assist with transitions (you have five minutes to finish your work) and work completion.  Use an alarm signal when the time is up.
• Create a daily to-do list and cross off those tasks that have been finished, even minor ones like completing a chore.  There's nothing like crossing something off a list to feel that you've made progress.
• Estimating the time to complete something is hard for many of us. (I thought this post would only take 30 minutes; fancy that - it's over an hour now!)  
• Practise estimating how much time any one assignment will take and then add that time frame to the calendar using different coloured pens for each subject area.
• "Make a game out of predicting, timing, and checking your student’s estimates of the time needed for various activities. How long does it take to walk from the kitchen to the mail box? To complete an assignment?"
• Setting priorities is a life skill.  .
• "First, figure out together how many homework assignments she has tonight, which are due tomorrow, and which of those is most challenging. Encourage her to start the most difficult homework first, when she’s fresh and energetic. Consistent use of the calendar/planner will help your child learn how to prioritize and manage assignments."

As I was starting to write this post, I remembered a book I'd read with my students called Wings to Fly by Celia Barker Lottridge.  It's set on the Canadian Prairies in the fall of 1918 as the 'Spanish flu' moves in.  The book is where I first learned of the phrase, "I opened the window and 'in flew Enza'."  Here's a snippet:

Miss Barnett gave each class special assignments to do at home while the school was closed.

"We don't how long the school will be closed," she said.  "I think it is very possible that it won't re-open before Christmas, so we may not see each other again until spring term.  That may seem far away, but I hope you will take some time each day to do the lessons I have set you.  That way we won't be so far behind when school takes up again."

"I hope you will read, too.  Reading is one of the best ways to pass time, have fun, and learn new things." 

How different things are 100+ years later.

Finally, my book club (there are 3 of us!) have read The Pull of the Stars by Emma Donoghue.  The story is set in Dublin, Ireland in 1918 in a make-shift maternity ward at the height of the Spanish flu.  In terms of estimating time to finish the book, be prepared to pull an all-nighter. 

Until the next post, stay warm, stay safe, and hang in there!

Gerrie